Year end thoughts......

Well, as I am anticipating the arrival of four am approaching quickly, I can not believe I am going to New Orleans for my 4th time. I have been looking back at the place I was spiritually and mentally only a year ago and can not believe the change. In twelve months, so much can happen.
Some highs and lows are : I just got accepted into my dream school along with my roomie, who I only really got to know exactly a year ago. Momma had a clean and clear year health wise. I went to Mexico and New Orleans twice. I have learned to listen to God and to learn from Him. My small group leader Megan left, but God delivered Jeanne. I finished my Junmore year and I'm working on my Senior year with a semester at San Jose City College under my belt. I have built my relationships at church and I've been blessed by the people that God has put in my path. I have started learning guitar as another method to bring glory to God. I am still on the worship team in the youth group and loving it! I have been blessed with the greatest relationship with my brother, yet now this phase has become tough. I struggled through the fall outs of a bad relationship and I'm able to call it a lesson learned. Hume 2008 really changed my perspective and how I comitted to my relationship with Christ. I began a biblestudy/mentoring with Emily and Yolanda. Kristina and I are sponsering a child through world vision. I hit my year of driving without a ticket... in daddys Lexus. I have started working at a middle school on Tuesdays with a group of kids doing a bible study. I quit voice lessons with Gayle with the hopes of seeking singing as a tool of worship instead of something just to be done. All of the NOLA fundraising! I did two San Fransico trips with the youth group - one we passed out food on our way to the winter retreat, the other we interviewed people about Christmas. Sal passed away. I went from blonde to dark brunnette to redish in a matter or months. I have changed from having no confidence in myself, to all confidence in Christ. Tammy and Tim got married along with Patti and Kurt - I did their reception. We did broom hockey for my 17th birthday. I took some friends to Montery for our first road trip by ourselves. Kimmy and I did the pictures at VBS. Prop 8 passed keeping marriage between a man and a woman. Mikes odd departure, after a wonderful year of working for him. Many struggles with seeing God even in the midst of life. Celebrations and tears with friends as we have all been on this journey together.

So many things........ I could tell stories about each of these, but I wont. I wrote these down to perserve them for the day I can no longer recollect the stories without being prompted by something. Though all of these different things, I have grown. Each event, struggle and joy has made me to be the person I am today.

In this coming year, I have no idea what is going to be thrown in my direction. One thing I do know for certain is that God is going to be with me, for His promises are never broken. With that confidence, I know I can face anything!!

I love you, have a wonderful new year!

Here I am to worship.

Here I am to bow down.

Here I am to say that you're my God.

You're all together lovely, all together worthy,

all together wonderful to me.

As this song was playing I found God's beauty. I was walking around my block and was completely stunned and forced to stop in my tracks as I looked into the sky. Right in front of me I saw a rainbow. Its colors were so clear and crisp. In a sad attempt to capture the wonder and the majestic feelings which were captivated inside of me, I took a picture on my phone. Stepping back to gaze at it again I saw that it stretched over the entire sky. And there were two of them.

I really do not know much about rainbows, but I do know that no person sees the exact same one from the same view. That is how God's beauty is, for each of us individually.

I was just studying Him and His beauty and this was the paramount picture for me. He reveals Himself so that He may be discovered. He longs only to be desired and for us to be in awe of Him. This God, our God who has the power to make the rocks cry out His praise desires our praise.

As this sight was slowly fading a neighbor drove by and asked if I just saw this rainbow. With hardly the strength or will to break away from this glorious moment in time I nodded, listening to her tell me she is rushing home in order for her to rush off again.

I don't want to rush anymore. I want to see God for all that He is. I want to discover Him. I want to be near Him. I want to seek Him. For I love Him.

Some songs going through my head....

"We cry out, we need your help.
Come back to our land.
We confess, we've lived in sin.
Please show your power once again."

"When I don't know what to do...
...I'll lift my hands.
When I don't know what to speak...
...I'll speak your praise.
When I don't know where go....
...I'll run to your throne.
When I don't know what to think...
...I'll stand on your truth.
When I don't know what to do."

"And I'll praise you in this storm,
I will lift my hands.
For you are who you are,
no matter where I am.
And every tear I'm crying,
you hold in your hands.
Even though my heart is torn,
I will praise you in this storm."

Sunday!

Whoa, what an awesome experience He gave me!!!
After our late night playing broom hockey on Sat. I got to church not exactly as early as I like to be there... more right on time, yet I had a wonderful time with God before. So I waltzed in with Jillian and Daniel comes bounding out and point to Jillian, Myself, and Paige and asks us to pray during a part in the worship. I went first, praying on thankfulness to God, but in being first, I was a bit nervous because I knew I would be setting the stage. The ultimate goal would be to have everyone praying at the same time, even though we were all doubting that would happen with our group. I got in front of the mike, (the one that makes you louder, not Morales) and God stepped in. Sometimes in the past, prayers in front of the group have been awkward, but not this time. I was able to in front of everybody release all my thankfulness to God. It was an experience like no other, I could have gone on a much longer duration but cut myself off in order to let others speak. Wow... God is Crazy--Crazy Good!!! I love how He chooses to use us when we are tired, sore, hurting.... He doesn't let our excuses stop us from glorifying Him.
To God be the Glory and Honor, forever and ever..... Amen.

Its time to be quiet.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, especially as I have had the ability to see my current situation in a different light.

Today as I was praying the story of Elijah came to mind.

He stood in a cave as the Lord was going to pass by. A wind came, an earthquake and a fire, but God was not in any of those. When a gentle breeze was felt, he then knew he was in the presents of the Lord.

Where is this gentle breeze? I became so distracted in the loud music, the prophesies, and everything else.... but God is the gentle breeze.

This is the man who fully deserved to come strutting into the city with chariots, gold and every other fine thing, yet he chose a donkey.

What are we doing? Are we just distracting ourselves from god? Shame on me for not waiting for the breeze.

Who are we to command God? He's the Sovereign one, we're just his dominion.

Thank you for letting me make mistakes, so that I may learn more about you.

My God, my God. Where are you?

The music is playing, I hear you... but is that you I am listening to?

You called me, but was that you... or only a suggestion from someone else?

You opened my eyes, but can I see or am I still blind?

You've rescued me from the deepest hole, yet the sky looks even further away.

Your spirit has been called to in prayer, but is that you, or only our desire for it to be you?

I don't want to be led by a pied piper. I want to seek you. Open up my eyes in this state of confusion. Only you know the truth. Are things both good and bad only happening in my life to distract me?

Where are you in the worship? In the prayers? Is that your voice I hear oh Lord?

Don't leave me. I feel we've become so close. You are my savior, redeemer, strength, fortress, hope, everlasting love, and everything else too. But is that you? Have I learned to put my trust in you or only what I'm being told is you. Oh God, my God rescue me from this confusion. From the tears and the pain of the unknown. I ask you to humble me, so I may seek you with humility instead of arrogance.

Come Lord Jesus, Come.

Whomever you are, You are what I am seeking, don't let me be lead astray from you.

"Roller Coaster...

(You thought I was going to say) ... of love" But no, it seems this roller coaster is "of life!"

It is crazy some ups and downs can cause major affects. These past couple days have been just crazy! I've had some of the greatest times, but also the hardest. I was explaining to a friend on Wednesday that I've had so much prayer lately, and really putting in everything I can to Christ, yet I still have this odd feeling. Its almost like a really bad after taste... I don't know! So I told him that it feels like I'm really under spiritual warfare. Its kind of the same feeling missions trips have been known to produce.
Over and over again we see demonstrations of people in the bible being constantly under attack, most of the time that only happens when they are doing something right though. So I'm not sure what all is going on... I'm just going to keep striving for Christ, cuz I know he knows.

Let the fasting Begin!!

40 days. Starting in an hour until 40 days later, 960 hours...

I am giving up music in my car. I want to have a set aside place to be in comunincation with God, and that seemed right. I think I am going to make cards of requests to flip threw as I am out and about.

The major prayer is going to be for the government. All of the elections coming up have so much strain on everyone. Prayer is certainly needed.

I am also going to use this time to further my relationship with God and to pray for requests from people I am in contact with. I am sooo excited to see what Gods plans are!

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I realized that I do not have much time at home during the day, so I am taking TV off the list of things to do for me. Its not a big deal, but it will take away the temptation to stay up late and I'll have time to get stuff done.

The last thing I have been praying about is fasting with food. I think I would really like to go the first week. I think it would be an amazingly hard and humbling experience and God will be able to speak to me clearer with that distraction eliminated. I am going to continue praying about this, but I think I am going to do it.

Well, I'll keep you posted. I'm sure there'll be much to come on this journey.

How Great is our God!

Wow!!! Talk about the song that says it all!

"Sing with me How Great is God, all will see how great, how great is our God!"

God can be so encouraging! It is just amazing how he can use others to just be Bartholomew in our lives.

I can't wait to see what God is going to do!!

Please help me.

Ok, so I'm done with txting in church. At the end of the service, I felt so convicted for placing so much priority in some lame conversations, that had nothing to do with God. I have always told myself that I am a good multitasker, that may be true, but in church I shouldn't have to be a good multitasker. What a great opportunity to be spiritually stretched and challenged, yet I'm not taking full advantage of that.
Here's where you can help me! Can you help keep me accountable with this? Its going to be hard and tempting, but I know that God will provide the strength, strength like no other.
Thank you.
**Laurel

Thank you!

Dear Jesus,
Thank you so much for being able to catch all of my tears. Thank you for putting pain and troubles in my life, so that I can lean on you. Thank you for giving me the confidence in you. Thank you for teaching me to yearn for you. Thank you for never changing. Thank you for leading me on your perfect path for me. Thank for never giving up on me. Thank you for giving me experiences to lead me to grow closer for you. Thank you for forgiving me!
I love you for everything. The good, the bad and the ugly!
For you make everything glorious... and I am yours.
Yours always,
**Laurel

Yikes....

I don't know where to begin with the day... I never came home, all day. I had my first evolution talk in History 17a and a bunch of swearing from my English 1a. It was interesting to say the least. I'm still hoping that I'll be able to be added to the classes. Oh and I got a call from Jen, which I could not answer because I was in History, so she sent me a txt. Sal is gone. That hit me harder than I thought it would... The rest of today has kind of felt a bit like auto pilot. I'm not going to lie tho, laughing during band devos really helped and my hug from Kristina... (: Yeah, I picked up a book from Britts house that I'm suppose to have a bunch read by 2m and I probably have a math quiz too. Oh my... at this point Im not sure where I stand. ... sit, fall on my knees... Im not fer sure whats going on. Oye!
"Blessed be your name."

An amazing song!

I see the King of glory
Coming on the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes, the whole earth shakes
I see His love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing, the people sing

Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna in the highest (x2)

I see a generation
Rising up to take the place
With selfless faith, with selfless faith
I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees, we're on our knees

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity


This really struck me at Hume as I was looking around at all my peers. I especially love the line in bold. For some reason it really stood out to me. Hillsong United is just amazing!!

On my mind....

Lately I've been thinking about a few things from Hume.

The first is a statistic they shared with us.
80% of people who don't go to church would go if they were invited.
2% of Christians invite people to church.
Yikes!!! I haven't been able to even accept that as a reality in my mind. I guess the prayer meeting on Monday really was an encouragement, as that is what it is going to take to change the invite numbers, lots of prayer!

Secondly. in a worship seminar at Hume one of the band members was asked what he does to get the church more into the worship. His reply was simply that there is nothing we can do. it is all God. The only thing we can do is to continue glorifying God and worshiping God with all that we are, but further than that only God can change a person. (I was thinking about this with my last soap.)

And finally, on Sunday Joey talked about Thermometers and Thermostats. I don't know why that hit me... but it did!

Just for your info I don't usually think in an orderly manner like that... (:

Goodnight!

Thank you Lord

"Though he will stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand." Psalm 37:34

Thank you Lord for promises like this. You really show who you are through your love. Thank you for not giving up on us, any of us. Please help me to keep focusing on you.

In a Haze...

There seems to be times that just seem to stand still. The funny thing is that there is no reason for it... Everything looks like it is fine, yet why is it not? I just feel tired, no matter how much I rest. The thought of going home, seems to pass up the thought of being around others.
Is this because I feel like I'm in mourning? Have I even accepted reality that seems to be so present in my life. Maybe its because I'm being there in everything for my friends, but that's not something I would give up for anything! I don't know then... my prayer is that God will give me the energy and perseverance to continue on. I am ready for the camping trip, to have some peace and restoration.
"When I don't know what to do... I'll lift my hands!"

Today, am I Transparent?

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately... I've been very fortunate this past year having the opportunities to go on a couple mission trips and some Christian camps. Through all of these I have been hearing God speaking to me in different ways. A week or so ago my dad just out of the blue mentioned that truth seems to stick to us.

I have noticed that more than anything! In Mexico, our missionary shared his testimony, through tears, to us. I've heard testimonies before, but a piece of his has been in my mind for the past five or so months. He talked of transparency.

I have been thinking about how hard I try to keep things out of the open, kind of just to myself. I have been reminded of a verse mentioning what is whispered in the inner rooms will be shouted from roof tops. I decided with that, I have a choice... I can hide while whatever I've tried to conceal is proclaimed, or I can announce it to the world declaring Gods glory, for still choosing me!

I have decided to to trust God, and in that I need to trust Him with giving him my life and all my testimonies. It is so great though, I have been able to talk to more people in the past week about God then I would have ever imagined!

I leave myself with one question "Today, am I being Transparent?"... but not only transparent, but transparent for Christ!

Am I Ready?

One of my really good friends asked me a question, as we are getting prepared to leave for New Orleans in the morning... it got me thinking, so I decided to blog it.

Am I ready?

Well, that is a very wide question... as I look at the stuff I have waiting to go into my suit case, and then the list which still has many things to be checked off... I would say not yet.
As I just got back from my chiro appt. and have been told of my restrictions, due to the accident... I would again say a little more time would be good.
As I look at my heart and my willingness to serve... I couldn't be anymore ready if I tried to be!

This just teaches me that in life... whether we are ready or not... it's go time! We don't get to make the calls of when things are going to be, but our time is the right time!

(I don't know if that makes any sense at all...) I guess I'm trying to say we can always make excuses, but those don't deal with getting things done... For when God says its His time, we'd better make it our time!

Pink Day!!!

Yeah, so today was absolutely amazing! I got up, not at 5:30 as I had set my alarm to, but more like 8:30. I then proceeded to have my favorite breakfast *New* a slice of toast with creamy peanut butter! SO GOOD! I was in a total mood to run... so I did! Dare I say it, it was amazing! You've got that wonderful feeling of sweat dripping off... ha ha ha! Sorry, TMI, I know! It was awesome, then I showered, put away suitcases and cleaned my room. As I was doing my routine to check the job listings, I noticed I had a message about a possible job! I emailed her back and saw two more that I emailed some interest about. Just as I was moving onto something else, my phone rang! It was another job!! I couldn't be more thrilled!!! I have been praying for God to provide the money so that I may go on a mission trip back to New Orleans and another missions trip to Hume Lake. In total I am trying to raise $1,200 minimum.

After all that I just laughed! I couldn't be any happier!!! God really reveals himself to me through little things. In that moment I didn't feel like my normal color! I wanted to wear PINK! Something about it always makes me happy and joyful! No longer having pink, I decided I would accessorize it! (Yes, according to spell check I just made a new word!) IT was great! Had a wonderful time at band practice and youth group, and even working! All in all, today was amazing!!

Pre-Mexico!

Well, I'll be off in 20 mins. Just wanted to say how excited I am. I can't wait to see the wonders God is going to do in this trip. His hand has been so involved in all of the preparatory work, the actual trip is going to be amazing.

Please pray for us. We'll be returning on Saturday. I'm sure I'll have a lot to write afterwards!

Now, it's time for some tacos!!!!!!

Had to wear my glasses

I think it was two weekends ago, that I was told I could not wear one of my contacts for at least four days. I did not freak out about that, I was just going to try the mono vision. It works for some people only seeing out of one eye. It didn't work for me! That left me with my glasses.

I guess you never really know how much you've changed until you find yourself back in the same situation you have been in before, and do something different. I would say a year ago I would have shut myself in, or just been blind. Instead I went out and lived! I had a job interview, I babysat for people I had never met, I went out with friends, and I was fine!

It was very humbling, as I realized it is harder to flip my hair with them on and the got more the affect of you look more mature over something more like fun. I don't know, maybe it wasn't a big deal at all. It meant something to me though! It was kind of like Gods little way of telling me "I gave you what you have, and I have the ability and rights to change it as well." I learned life goes on, it doesn't matter what we look like, the world keeps on turning!

I just saw my parents off

Disneyland here we come!!! Well, that was what we were saying through Sunday. My dad has a conference in the Disneyland hotel, so my family usually goes and tags along with him. While he works, we play! This year my brother and I could not afford to miss school, so we were going to join my parents later with two of out friends.

On Monday we learned that our skilled driver, who would be doing the hard parts, could not make it. He just received one of the best jobs ever, and did not want to jeopardize that. I totally understand that, and everybody would be missing big things this weekend. So I think this is for the better. My parents just walked out the door and I'll be going into church pretty soon to go work and help out around there.

I'm not going to lie... it is a bummer, I was so excited. I have come to realize, there will be other times. I'm not worried that this was the last opportunity. The four of us who were planning to go together, have decided that we should spend the day together on Friday, just to get away. What I was looking forward to most wasn't Disneyland itself, but more the bonding. My brother and I are starting to drift away from each other, and it sounds like my friends, brother and sister, are as well.

As I will always say, "It's never the event, but always the company."

So... I turned down a job

Since about October I have been on the look out for a job. I have a flexible schedule which would allow me to work Friday, during the day and also Wednesday!

I first was seriously looking to be a hostess/server at Red Robin or Chiles. I then started to think about a hole in the wall lunch/dinner place, more along the lines of La Boulanger or something like that. So I waited. I had been checking Craigs list and other job sites for about six months, when I finally thought I found the perfect job.

I emailed the lady, and called her a couple times until I go through to her. She told me to come on down and we could have an interview. That was my first real job interview, so I was a little nervous, but everything went really well. I had misjudged the place itself, it was more like a fancy sandwich place, nothing really special. I went home and just thought about it, and also prayed about it.

On Sunday night, I got a call telling me I got the job, but I no longer wanted it. I came to realize that the extra income would be very nice, but the time I have is not all my own. I have some dedicated to my friends, some to working at church, some to homework and some for whatever else comes up. I did not feel sad at all turning it down, more I felt relieved!

God showed me he would provide for me, at least through this part of my life. Out of the blue I ended up with three babysitting jobs that weekend. I'm not worried, I trust God's timing and plans over mine.

Time for Direction

Today I got up and went to a creek by my house. I decided I was going to do this on Monday when I was so overwhelmed with different thoughts and emotions. I wanted to leave my typical routine so I could ask God for guidance. I took my notebook, bible and a cd I had just burned from one of my friends. I started just walking down a trail seeking a place for my solitude. Farther than I expected to go I found the perfect place. God was speaking through that, as He directed me to the perfect place, I could see it, yet couldn't get close to it without trouble. I had to have faith in my footing and balance as I scaled down the steep slope. That showed me that our paths may be longer and harder than we would imagine, but in the end it was absolutely perfect. In this busy area in which I live, tranquility is hard to find, but I consider it a gift. The birds were chirping, a quite ripple was in front of me and I was surrounded by the refreshing scent of trees. I wrote down what I wished God would answer in this time we were together, then I began to worship through music. There are so many songs, Christian and secular that describe God, I couldn't stop praising Him. Lyrics are important to me because I'm not the best with words. That's why I love to sing. It is all written out and I can take those words and put my meaning into them. After quietly singing to the Creator, I just sat and looked around at His creation. I've heard people say you can see glimpses of heaven in moments of your life, I understand that reasoning now. I grabbed my bible, not knowing what to read and I opened it to a page I had a paper in from a service project I went on in December. That was 1 Peter. I read the book and was so awed by the way God works! In that I found exactly what I needed. I was told that it doesn't matter what we do, as long as we do it for Him. If we are to serve, serve with the strength He has given. If we speak we are to use the words He has given us. In doing this, we can give Him all the praise. That is the most important thing we can do. The options are ours, if we do them for Him, He will be blessed and bless what we do. How can we be wrong if we are truly giving everything we have and can do to the Lord? As I climbed up the mountain, and came back into my life, I have a new peace. He has yet again proven Himself exactly when I needed Him.

Back Ground info!

I have decided it is about time to start blogging! I am a Junmore in High School, I'll be out in three years. In this decision I am taking high school courses and now a college course. My mission is to pursue God with all he has given me, nothing less. In that, I give this blog to Him. That he may be blessed by it, only he knows what will happen with it.

If you choose to journey along side with me, let me know! If you want to add something, please, go right ahead.

I can't guarantee it will be always fun, there will be hard times, but he will pull us through! That I can guarantee!

Ok! Here we go sit back and get comfortable, it's going to be a crazy ride!