Hello again

Well it seems like it has been ages since I've blogged on here.... I feel soo unfaithful. :( Guess I've just been writing in notebooks and that has felt easier, and more comfortable perhaps.

Anywho, this is just a quick catch up... yes, I am still alive! This summer, my Senior Summer turned into the best days of my life!! I have grown so close to so many people, but especially my Senior class! I love them all sooo dearly! We had sleepovers, tahoe trips, went to SF, made Pazookies, and just were all together! This summer has shown me what it's like to have a group of friends again. Thank you Lord for that!

But it has been a struggle over these past months. I started school in San Diego, PLNU, and my who world has dramatically changed. As I pulled away from my house, and everything I'd ever known I realized this was all really happening- I was leaving. Days filled with crying have turned into months. I've never felt so alone, even tho I am surrounded by so many people. Everything has been stripped away from me, my car, cell phone(horrible reception), my family, my friends, my familiarity, community, routines, church, and everything else that I have ever held dear. Hardest days of my life.... And on top of all that I've been struggling to keep my relationship strong with Christ. That's been the worst, as it is a personal failure.
Over these past months my folks and I have been looking at options and praying about what we should do with my future, as we've discovered on so many levels that this isn't the right place for me. It hasn't been all bad, I don't want you to think that, but it sure has been more of a struggle than any of us had ever imagined. Tho I've really grown closer to my parents and friends thru this. And I've grown in myself here and made some memories as well. It's been such a breaking time, to the extent where I have nothing of myself anymore.... I'm ready for Him to rebuild me!
Back to future plans. We decided the best thing would be for me to come home after the Semester (45 more days and only 24 more nights of sleeping in my dorm room) and finish my GE at West Valley. After that I'm looking to finish my Comm major at Sonoma, Monterey or San Jose State. I feel so at peace with this decision, the first bit of peace I've felt for so long.
I haven't told many people of this yet, some of my close friends, but not those who I know will oppose the plan. But this is for me, making a stand. It's what I need to do. I'm just praying for courage to be able to accept whatever people say to me as they find out about this. I know it will be hard, Lord, I ask that you give me the strength to endure all the comments and jokes which will be made as a result of coming home. Let them say what they will, for I've never been more excited about moving back into the nest! It's amazing how some things can change, though it's not something you can see until you really step back and look at what was, and what now is. Thank you Lord for change!
Haha. You know me! Just can't say a few words, I have to write an entire paper! But that's who I am! Have a wonderful day, and be encouraged.

Homeschooling!?!

Anyone who has known me for any length of time knows that I haven't stayed still at one school very long. I've been to all sorts of private schools, both big and very small - I am currently at secular JC and I've even involved with a homeschooling school group. I've had a lot of different school experiences to say the least.
As I have been looking at all my different schools, and what each of them produce, I have had a hard time being impressed. I really have been having a hard time trying to decide how I want to raise my kids, finding the institution that does the least amount of harm to them.
This past weekend I went on a Senior trip to Disneyland with my homeschoolie group. We had a splendid time, but I was impressed with all the manors and uniqueness each person seemed to have. It was only an observation I had made until we went to one of the guys houses a couple days later. I was totally shocked as I discovered what kind of family I want to marry into and raise. I loved how the family was very tuned into one another, and all of us. Also, how when things needed to be done they were just done, automaticly. I went home thinking how amazing this family was and how I want a family to be just like that.
I think, I'm going to homeschool my kids. Since I don't have as much experience with the homeschooling process, I am going to have to marry someone who was raised like that. But thats not too big of a sacrifice, for these men are turning into exactly what I've been looking for.

He heard me!!

Well, this week started off in sorrow, as a dear friend lost his 16 year old daughter. My family and I went to be with them before they headed off to Riverside to be with family. I agreed to stay and watch the house and kitties, not knowing how God was working through this.
I had been pleading to get out of my house, to live on my own, to have some well needed peace--a retreat from the ordinary life. It took me a day to realize that everything I had been praying for and desiring was this house, for I was on my own-I've had time to read and relax-there is no blaring tv- I'm the only one with a key, so I don't have to worry about other people being there. It's been simply amazing. I've felt like its just God reassuring me that He's in control and that He hears me when I cry out to Him.
I am astonished at the way He works, and how a bad situation can become a good one, and that He gives us what we need to continue on. I feel refreshed and spiritually ready to face my own life once again. I mean hey, its only four more months....

Communication Major

So many thoughts and only one brain to hold them all in..... yikes! Something I have really been thinking about lately is my communication major. It looks like there'll be some great classes and everyone I know has said it was a great major. But I guess my concern is for a little bit down the road, when I get married, will that still be a worthwhile choice. For some reason I am so called to be a part of ministry, there is something that just will not let me stay away, and in that reasoning, I could easily see myself "marrying into the ministry." Thats when I begin to question my major, am I going to be able to use this along with my hubbys ministry? I don't know. Should I be looking more into pursuing counseling or something that deals with hurting people? I don't know. I do know that God is going to use what ever I bring to the table, but I just desire to be as effective as I can, as my husband and I can be. So, we'll see what happens! (Stay tuned for more of whats in Laurel's head!) :)

A Short Overview

These past couple months have been everywhere from cloud nine to unbearable. I have finally told my parents that I am serious about wanting to move out, but as always, nothing is ever serious. There has really been one song to describe this entire time for me, and that is Praise You in this Storm. Only four more months and I am out of this house. Away from the pain and the uneasiness of never knowing what I am going to come home to. I hate that a good day for me consists of the most time spent out of the house, or being home alone. I'm just tired of this-all of this.
I am excited about these new ministries I am becoming involved with like working with the Burnette kids and possibly to Junior Highers as well. On Thursday night it was amazing as one of the kids prayed for the first time, he was so nervous.... It was amazing.
I don't know what Gods doing right now, but as the song says "when there's pain in the offering - blessed be your name." There is certainly pain.

Year end thoughts......

Well, as I am anticipating the arrival of four am approaching quickly, I can not believe I am going to New Orleans for my 4th time. I have been looking back at the place I was spiritually and mentally only a year ago and can not believe the change. In twelve months, so much can happen.
Some highs and lows are : I just got accepted into my dream school along with my roomie, who I only really got to know exactly a year ago. Momma had a clean and clear year health wise. I went to Mexico and New Orleans twice. I have learned to listen to God and to learn from Him. My small group leader Megan left, but God delivered Jeanne. I finished my Junmore year and I'm working on my Senior year with a semester at San Jose City College under my belt. I have built my relationships at church and I've been blessed by the people that God has put in my path. I have started learning guitar as another method to bring glory to God. I am still on the worship team in the youth group and loving it! I have been blessed with the greatest relationship with my brother, yet now this phase has become tough. I struggled through the fall outs of a bad relationship and I'm able to call it a lesson learned. Hume 2008 really changed my perspective and how I comitted to my relationship with Christ. I began a biblestudy/mentoring with Emily and Yolanda. Kristina and I are sponsering a child through world vision. I hit my year of driving without a ticket... in daddys Lexus. I have started working at a middle school on Tuesdays with a group of kids doing a bible study. I quit voice lessons with Gayle with the hopes of seeking singing as a tool of worship instead of something just to be done. All of the NOLA fundraising! I did two San Fransico trips with the youth group - one we passed out food on our way to the winter retreat, the other we interviewed people about Christmas. Sal passed away. I went from blonde to dark brunnette to redish in a matter or months. I have changed from having no confidence in myself, to all confidence in Christ. Tammy and Tim got married along with Patti and Kurt - I did their reception. We did broom hockey for my 17th birthday. I took some friends to Montery for our first road trip by ourselves. Kimmy and I did the pictures at VBS. Prop 8 passed keeping marriage between a man and a woman. Mikes odd departure, after a wonderful year of working for him. Many struggles with seeing God even in the midst of life. Celebrations and tears with friends as we have all been on this journey together.

So many things........ I could tell stories about each of these, but I wont. I wrote these down to perserve them for the day I can no longer recollect the stories without being prompted by something. Though all of these different things, I have grown. Each event, struggle and joy has made me to be the person I am today.

In this coming year, I have no idea what is going to be thrown in my direction. One thing I do know for certain is that God is going to be with me, for His promises are never broken. With that confidence, I know I can face anything!!

I love you, have a wonderful new year!

Here I am to worship.

Here I am to bow down.

Here I am to say that you're my God.

You're all together lovely, all together worthy,

all together wonderful to me.

As this song was playing I found God's beauty. I was walking around my block and was completely stunned and forced to stop in my tracks as I looked into the sky. Right in front of me I saw a rainbow. Its colors were so clear and crisp. In a sad attempt to capture the wonder and the majestic feelings which were captivated inside of me, I took a picture on my phone. Stepping back to gaze at it again I saw that it stretched over the entire sky. And there were two of them.

I really do not know much about rainbows, but I do know that no person sees the exact same one from the same view. That is how God's beauty is, for each of us individually.

I was just studying Him and His beauty and this was the paramount picture for me. He reveals Himself so that He may be discovered. He longs only to be desired and for us to be in awe of Him. This God, our God who has the power to make the rocks cry out His praise desires our praise.

As this sight was slowly fading a neighbor drove by and asked if I just saw this rainbow. With hardly the strength or will to break away from this glorious moment in time I nodded, listening to her tell me she is rushing home in order for her to rush off again.

I don't want to rush anymore. I want to see God for all that He is. I want to discover Him. I want to be near Him. I want to seek Him. For I love Him.